Escaping the Mirror: The High Cost of Avoiding Yourself - Letter 010

Deutina Idisi
Jul 30, 2025
5 min read

🪘African Proverb: “No matter how far you run, your shadow still follows you.” – Nigerian Proverb

Black woman gazing into a mirror in quiet reflection, symbolizing the inner journey of identity, stillness, and courage to face oneself.

Dear Daughter,

You can bury your pain under performance.

You can scroll through your shame.

You can change the job, end the relationship, or switch cities.

But you cannot outrun yourself.

Because escaping the mirror doesn’t erase the pain — it only delays the healing.

We live in a world that rewards escape.

Distraction is dressed up as ambition.

Numbing looks like productivity. But here's the danger:

What you refuse to name will eventually name you.

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.” (Isaiah 30:15)

I know the pull of motion. The illusion that movement equals meaning.

That being needed is the same as being known. But busyness isn’t the antidote to brokenness. And silence isn’t healing — it’s just delayed decay.

“What do people get for all the toil and anxious striving with which they labor under the sun? All their days their work is grief and pain; even at night their minds do not rest.” (Ecclesiastes 2:22–23)

I’ve been the woman who was applauded in public… but aching in private. I’ve been the one who knew how to serve but didn’t know how to stop. Because stopping meant facing the ache. And facing it felt like drowning in everything I’d tried to forget.

Zawadi — the woman whose story unfolds in Five Good Years — lived this too. She filled her world with spiritual noise, performance, and striving. She was fluent in Scripture, but foreign to stillness. Because stillness meant confronting the version of herself she built to survive. Stillness meant surrender.

Escaping the Mirror: Why Facing Yourself Is the First Step to Healing

But hear me:

Identity is not found in the hustle — it is recovered in the hush.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10).

Still enough to hear God whisper your original name — the one He gave you before trauma renamed you.

Still enough to let Him remind you of who you were before the silence, the sorrow, the striving.

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” (Isaiah 43:1)

“To the one who is victorious… I will give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it.” (Revelation 2:17)

Zawadi’s name meant gift — and as a child, she carried that name with sweetness. Literally. Every quarter, she arrived at school with boxes of assorted sweets — not just to share, but to declare:

I know who I am. I bring joy. I carry flavour. I am a gift.

But life has a way of making us forget and silencing the child who once knew her worth.

Just like Zawadi, I too carry a gift in my name — my middle name, Eseoghene, means “God’s gift.”And my first name, Deutina, was lovingly coined by my father: “Deu” from German roots, and “Tina,” a name of beauty. It was a momentous day. He didn’t just name me — he designed my name. And in moments of stillness, I remember:

I am not random. I am not discarded.I am spoken. I am seen. I am sent with purpose.

Sometimes the deepest wound isn’t what happened to you —it’s the identity you adopted to survive it.

So you keep running. From the past. From the pain.From the mirror.

But the truth is — your shadow never gets tired.

And neither does grace.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22–23)

In TinaTalks, I’ve met women with stunning resumes and shattered souls. Women who lead others… but haven’t led themselves home. Who light up every room… but dim when left alone.

One of my dear friends went through a devastating divorce. That year, she spent £30,000 on jet-setting trips. Maldives. Morocco. Miami. Every photo looked like healing — but in reality, she couldn’t bear to look at herself in the mirror. Escape dressed up as elegance.

Let me say this gently but truthfully:

Avoidance is expensive.It costs you clarity.It costs you healing.It costs you her — the woman God designed before the world distorted you.

But there is another way.

Zawadi didn’t find freedom by running. She found it by returning to herself. To stillness.To the God who saw her before she knew how to hide.

And that return began with a mirror — not the kind made of glass, but the kind made of glory.

“For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer,he is like a man who observes his natural face in a mirror…and then forgets what he looked like.” (James 1:23–24)

The Word of God is your mirror. Not the mirror of society.Not the mirror of shame.But the mirror of truth.

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image…” (2 Corinthians 3:18)

Let it show you your scars — and remind you they’ve been seen. Let it show you your strength — and remind you it’s been forged. Let it show you your face — the one fear tried to blur — and remind you that even now, you are still His.

🩷 Reflection Points:

What am I using to avoid the ache I refuse to name?
Where have I confused motion with meaning?
What truth from God’s Word am I resisting — because it feels too holy for someone like me?
If stillness is the starting point, what does it look like to start again today?

🩷 Becoming Moves

Name What You’ve Been Avoiding
Write down the truths, feelings, or memories you keep pushing away. Avoidance thrives in silence — clarity begins when you name it out loud.
Schedule a Stillness Moment
This week, carve out at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time. No music. No scrolling. Just you, your journal, and the presence of God. Ask Him, “Who am I beyond the noise?”
Look in the Mirror with Scripture
Print or write out James 1:23–24 and Isaiah 43:1. Stand in front of your mirror, read them aloud, and declare:
“I am not forgotten. I am known by name. I will not walk away from my reflection.”
Write a Letter to Your Younger Self
Remember the little girl who packed sweets like Zawadi. What did she believe about herself? What did she lose that you need to return to?
Start the Identity Audit Toolkit
Use the toolkit not just as a test — but as a truth mirror. Begin your healing by mapping where you are, dimension by dimension.

🩷 Scripture Anchors:

Psalm 46:10 – “Be still and know that I am God.”
James 1:23–24 – “Like a man who looks at his face in a mirror… and forgets.”
Luke 15:17 – “When he came to himself…”
John 8:32 – “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart…”
Isaiah 30:15 – “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.”
Ecclesiastes 2:22–23 – “All their days their work is grief and pain...”
Isaiah 43:1 – “I have called you by name; you are mine.”
Revelation 2:17 – “A new name written... known only to the one who receives it.”
Lamentations 3:22-23 – “His compassions never fail. They are new every morning.”
2 Corinthians 3:18 – “We are being transformed into his image...”
Romans 12:2 – “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”