The Price of Becoming - Letter 009

Deutina Idisi
Jul 30, 2025
5 min read

🪘African Proverb: "A man who does not know where the rain began to beat him cannot say where he dried his body." — Igbo Proverb

Close-up portrait of a thoughtful Black woman in grayscale, symbolising stillness, strength, and the refining season of identity.

Dear Daughter,

We’ve been taught to chase "next."

To optimise. To scale. To build upon the last win. But The Price of Becoming isn’t always what we expect.

What if forward isn’t always the direction God is moving in your life?

What if the first miracle isn’t leaping — but landing?

Sometimes God takes us back. Not to punish us. Not to delay us. But to rebuild us on ground that can hold what He’s about to pour.

This is the hard truth I’ve had to learn again and again: Progress isn’t always vertical.

Sometimes it’s lateral. Sometimes it’s downward. Sometimes God allows you to feel like you’re losing — while He’s laying a stronger foundation. That’s the hidden reality behind the Price of Becoming — it doesn’t always look like forward motion.

🩷 The Price of Becoming

One of my mentors once told me, "You need to grow — but don’t assume growth always means going up. Sometimes, it’s lateral." That stayed with me.

Lateral growth is strategic growth. It’s where God gives you new assignments in different spaces, allowing you to gather experience that compounds over time. When the moment comes for promotion, the one who has embraced variety, agility, and resilience will be more prepared than the one who stayed in the same lane for years.

When I first launched TinaTalks, I had all the passion in the world.

I had the scars. The story. The seed. But not the skill. And as Pastor Sola Fola-Alade once said:

"God doesn’t use raw material. He uses processed material. And that processing requires time, material, and skill."

Some of us have the material. We’ve been through the fire, the trauma, the disruption. Some of us have the time. We’ve waited. Prayed. Hoped.

But the skill? That’s what God helps us build in the fire.

Let me share a story you may have heard before: A major industrial plant suffered a breakdown, and after trying everything, they called in a renowned engineer to diagnose and fix the issue. He arrived, studied the machinery for a few minutes, and then made a single, precise adjustment — and the system sprang back to life.

He later sent an invoice for $10,000. Shocked, the company asked for a breakdown of the charges.

His response?

"Fixing the issue: $1. Knowing what to fix: $9,999."

This story, often attributed to Charles Steinmetz — an electrical engineer who consulted for General Electric — reminds us that value isn’t always about effort. Sometimes, it’s about skill, experience, wisdom, and refinement.

That’s what God is doing in you. You’re not just being broken and rebuilt for no reason. You’re learning how to see, discern, and move with clarity. You’re becoming the woman who knows which screw to turn — not because of luck, but because of fire-tested wisdom.

Zawadi knows this fire all too well. If you’ve read Five Good Years, you’ll remember her — a young woman who married at 22, filled with dreams of starting a family early. She imagined herself raising a daughter who would resemble her sister. But life unravelled differently. She went through a divorce and then faced the excruciating pain of infertility. It felt like ground zero all over again.

Friends who once walked closely began to sideline her, treating her like damaged goods. But while it seemed like a season of loss, God was working behind the scenes — refining, pruning, preparing.

What she didn’t know then was that this fire would birth TinaTalks. That the girl who was told she was broken would one day become a voice for other women who thought they were beyond repair.

It’s still unfolding. The road is still winding. But Zawadi knows this: "All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

Like fine wine, her life had to sit. To mature. To deepen in flavour and richness.

If wine sits too long, it can sour into vinegar.

If it’s rushed, it lacks character.

But God holds time and seasons in His hands.

In His perfect time, every frame will align.

Every setback, every silence, every scar — like scenes in a movie — will reveal a picture more glorious than she could ever imagine.

Malachi 3:3 says, "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." Not stand. Sit. He stays with us. Watches the heat. Never looks away. Because refinement is not a moment — it’s a method.

That’s what we do at TinaTalks. We don’t rush the fire. We sit with you in it. We help you name what hurt you — and transform it into the very thing God will use to heal others. Because every anointing has a process. And every calling has a cost.

So if you feel behind…

If you’re watching others run while you’re just learning to walk again…

If your foundation is being broken up while everyone else is framing houses…

Let me say this: You are not late. You are not lost. You are not less.

You are becoming.

And part of becoming is revisiting what you once ran from.

Be gentle with those who seem "behind." You were once there. Maybe still are — in a different area of your life. Don’t measure people by distance travelled. Measure by direction chosen.

God is not looking for perfection. He’s looking for a process. And obedience is always in season.

Reflection Points:

Where in my life do I feel like I’ve moved “backwards” — and could that be God refining, not rejecting me?
What skills is God trying to develop in me that pain alone couldn’t teach?
How can I extend grace to others who are in their grounding season?
Have I misunderstood lateral movement as stagnation when, in fact, God may be expanding my capacity for greater impact?
What frames in my story have I dismissed as random — but might be part of God's cinematic masterpiece?

🩷 Becoming Moves:

Write down a season where you thought you were going backwards — and ask what fruit came out of it.
Reflect on one skill you’re currently developing in private that God might be using for public purpose later.
Look at an area in your life where you're growing laterally. Ask God to reveal the hidden training in it.
Speak grace over yourself: “I am becoming — not behind.”
Share a word of encouragement with someone else in their grounding season.

🩷 Scripture Anchors:

Malachi 3:3 – "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver..."
Isaiah 28:16 – "Behold, I lay in Zion a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation."
Romans 5:3-4 – "Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Luke 6:48 – "They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock."
Philippians 1:6 – "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion."
Romans 8:28 – "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."